A Girl's Guide to Hunting and Being Hunted

There are few things I hate more than spending time in nature, but guns and getting dirty happen to be two of them. So last week, when my communications teacher announced we would be going paintballing, I knew it was bound to be an absolute nightmare. Did he really expect me to wear recycled camouflage and subject myself to rolling around in the mud and being shot at? Yeah, not happening. Why someone would ever think that taking a group of 40 girls paintballing is a good idea is truly beyond me. They really do do things differently here.

Pretty Princesses 

When the time came for our 8:45am departure, I was still drunk from the night before and was in surprisingly good spirits. This lasted approximately 8 minutes. We pulled into what I can only assume is the European version of a trailer park and were met by a large bald man on a four wheeler. The whole thing reminded me of my summers in rural Maine. I was under the impression that hicks were unique to America, but apparently they breed such gems in Western Denmark, too. Baldy led us to a rack of camouflage onesies and told us to find one that fit. The suit I ended up with would have comfortably fit a Patriot's linebacker, and did not have any protective padding. Super! I tried to style the look a little bit by using my ammo belt to cinch the waist (#vogueproblems), but I got yelled at for wearing it wrong. Clearly they are not familiar with high fashion in Ebeltofft.

My teacher is clinically insane, but at least he has nice muscles

Once we all looked sufficiently homely, 4-wheeler Bob ushered us onto the course. It was muddy, wet and covered with enormous alien slugs. My personal hell. Bob split us into two teams and attempted to explain the rules. I ignored him and tried to figure out the where the best place would be to sit in fetal position until the 20 minute game was over. When Bob honked his horn to mark the start of the game , we all took off running. To our respective hiding places. Of course, no one had any intention of actually playing the game (I'm pretty sure it was some sort of "capture the flag" thing -- but I barely understood that game before there were guns involved). We just wanted to survive. (Yes, it was really that dramatic). Within the first 40 seconds, I tripped and spilled all of my ammo. So at that point, not only was I uncoordinated and hungover, but I was unarmed. I found a promising looking stack of tires and posted up, refusing to open my eyes until the game was over. I know I sound like a total baby, but in my defense everyone had the same idea, and we were actually arguing over the prime hiding spots. The only person who was actually into it was our teacher. At one point, I looked over and this guy was shooting at me from up in a tree. Are you kidding me? At least he waited until Add-Drop was over, tricky bastard.



By some stroke of miracle, I survived round one. We went back up to the safe zone, thinking it was over, when they announced that Teacher had been kind enough to pay for more paintballs so we could play another round. Surprise! This guy is a serious sicko. After the horn blew, I lasted 2 and a half more minutes before I was throwing my gun down in tears and storming off the course. It was bound to happen. Teacher fired four shots into my back from 8 feet away. Effing sadist. 


Surprisingly, I was one of only two girls who quit mid-battle. The other girl had a nosebleed and was concerned that she had broken her tooth. Seriously -- what kind of school subjects its students to this stuff? We watched the rest of the game from the back of Bob's 4-wheeler, nursing our battle wounds and PTSD. At least he offered us beer.


Final score: Paintball-1 Zo-0

Culture Shock

I know what you're thinking. How could anybody feel culture shock in a city where everyone is white, friendly and speaks english? Au contraire. It has definitely been harder to adjust to the Danish way of life than I ever expected. Here are a few of the things that have really made an impact:


7. Danes Don't Look Like Me

One thing here is not like the others...

I should be used to the whole "only brunette in the room" thing by now, considering that 99% of the people at Georgetown are blond bombshells. Here, though, they are on a whole other level. Everyone is tall, pale, blonde and blue eyed. My "ethnically ambiguous" look (thanks, Charlotte, for that surprisingly accurate description of my appearance) simply doesn't cut it here. As a short, dark Jewish girl with an untamed "nest" of hair, I do not fit in. The other night, though, a drunk homeless man did tell me I was *the most* beautiful girl in the world. So maybe there is hope. (He asked for money almost immediately after ... but it still counts ask me.)



6. Danes Have Dirty Water
Upon arriving in Denmark, we were informed almost immediately that the water was infected with E. Coli. This meant we had to use bottled water for everything. Surprise! You're back in Punta Cana! I know I have complained about the prices here in almost every post, but let me just remind you that a bottle of water costs $5. So I basically had to pay every time I brushed my teeth. If I wanted to rough it I would have gone to India. At least there I could have become a Bollywood superstar.




5. Danes Follow the Rules
After living in New York this past Summer, I like to think of myself as a highly educated J-Walker. One pretty much has to be in order to stand any chance of making it to work on time in the middle of Time Square. I would sprint in front of cars to make the light and casually stroll along to the beat of the blinking red hand.  Here, that kind of illegal activity just doesn't fly. (Sidenote-- I got cited for J-walking in LA last summer. That city is weird and law abiding too.) In Denmark, it is expected that you WAIT FOR THE LIGHT TO CHANGE BEFORE CROSSING THE STREET. Can you imagine?! Let me just say, I have had some serious trouble with this, and am convinced that I will lose a battle of "girl meets bike" over the course of the next 3 months.



4. Danes Drink Beer
I don't.


3. Danes Don't Date
The other night, we were at Kulor bar when one of my friends hit it off with a charming Danish man. After dancing and getting to know each other, the man asked her if she wanted to "meet him" in the bathroom. Excuse me?!?!?!?! When I asked my Danish male roommates about this, they told me his presumptuousness was entirely normal. They are extremely open about sex here, and therefore treat it very casually. Apparently, many Danish girls would have happily followed my friend's suitor to the back stall. Luckily, we all know better. Oh, and heres a fun fact: 1 in 10 Danish people have Chlamydia.


2. Danes Like to be Naked

My one complaint about my housing here in Denmark is about the bathrooms. To put it simply, they are disgusting. There is one toilet, one sink and one shower for 6 people, which is a little overwhelming for someone who has never had to share a bathroom before (Thank you, Village C). Because of this, I have taken to showering at the gym every day. The locker room is like a spa, complete with a steam room and sauna, and the showers are amazing. There is only one problem: they don't have doors. Most nights I am the only one left in the building (they usually have to kick me out -- I am that hardcore), so I was not faced with Danish nudity until last night. Two women made their way into the stalls on either side of me (separated only by frosted glass panels) and proceeded to step outside of the showers periodically to converse. Completely buck naked!! It was a little much. Apparently, according to Danish standards I am a total prude (Ha!). Upon further research, I learned that some families walk around in their underwear, or even naked, together in their homes. I am meeting my visiting family on Saturday, and I am realllly hoping that they are not one of those families.


And the biggest, most difficult culture shock I have experienced....


1. Danes don't wear big necklaces.

This only added an extra 15 pounds to my luggage. NBD

For anybody who knows me and is familiar with the way I dress, this is a huge problem. One of the first nights we went out, Danish men kept coming up to me and telling me that they knew I was American because of the way I had chosen to accessorize. But my mom bought me the necklace in Morocco! It isn't even from America! For now though, I refuse to give up my signature statement pieces.






Although I am still working to get adjusted, I have a feeling I will never fully assimilate into Danish culture. I am far too *me* to ever become a beer drinking, law abiding nudist. As Amanda Bynes' love interest in What a Girl Wants (who am I kidding. I know his name is Oliver James) wisely asked, "Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?"

The only European boy I've ever been attracted to (besides Bruno) 

Copenhagen's finest

It has been 4 days since my last update -- considering I have been in various states of drunk and hungover since then I haven't really had time to blog. I consider that to be indicative of a successful weekend. I made a significant dent in my bucket list, and felt like a total tourist while doing it.

Yes. I wore this to a club. Judge me.
(No. I did not make out with any Danes on this night)

On Thursday night, we tried to go to Kulor Bar for $12 open bar, but the line was a mile and a half long and filled with 15 year olds. The whole "no drinking age" thing is really great until you turn around and realize that the guy you have been grinding with all night is in middle school and riddled with teenage acne. No thanks. We ran into my friend Nate (Sup Providence) in line and he convinced Charlotte, Alison and I to go to "White Room" in the meatpacking district with a few of the Denison guys. After getting lost for 45 minutes in a rather sketchy area of the city (stellar directional skills, Nathaniel) and asking random strangers where "the white bar" was (only to be met with dirty looks ....), we finally made it. We were met out front by Nate's friend Bruno and a random stranger with an afro who offered us shots of Jager from the back of his bicycle. Not sketchy at all. They then informed us that White Bar (White Room? Now I can't even remember what the place was actually called) had flooded and the event was cancelled. COOL! We followed them to an empty Danish bar where they offered us tequila shots to make up for the fact that our night had failed so epically. That turned things around quickly. The bar played horrible rock music and we may or may not have danced on the bar. Bruno and I may or may not have fallen in love. The night ended with the per usual trip to McDonalds, but this time I asked for my Big Mac on a whole wheat bun so it was ok. I was so proud of my healthy decision that I went back and got a McFlurry for the walk home. 

Does "Nom Nom" Translate?

;)

On Friday, I slept until noon. After my 1 o'clock class I met some of the galz at the new farmers market that opened up down the block from us. It is the most amazing place in the entire world. We feasted on $20 pastries and free samples, which made for a balanced and economical meal. We walked around and shopped a little bit, then came home for a dinner party with our Danish roommates. They are honestly the best, sweetest guys in the world. They are both named Michael and are in their late 20's. We all pregamed together, and they insisted that we took shots that tasted like salty licorice. Vile.

Traumatized by our experience with the disgusting Danish alcohol, we headed out to LA HACIENDA, which had an open bar from 11pm until 8am. I actually can't even begin to describe this place. If Dayglow and Thirds were ever to mate, La Hacienda would be their love child. We danced all night, on various stages and other points of elevation (shout out to Annie Vaughan, who I know is doing the same thing in Florence. Ciao bella!!) and wandered home at sunrise.

On Stage, looking a lot less cool than I thought I did at the time.

Saturday night, Charlotte, Kelly and I went to dinner on the harbor. It was so pretty all lit up, and we found a cute little place that served good Danish food and beer. We came home and pregamed with all of our roomies, then went to a place called "Billy Booze" (LOL) for cheap drinks. We waited in line for an hour, but once we got inside it was absolutely worth it. I was wearing my thigh high boots, and between them and the $2 drinks I was feeling pretty damn fabulous. The dance floor was a lot of fun and we were with a really great group of people. After we left, a miracle happened. I ATE MY FIRST DANISH HOTDOG. It was everything I had been dreaming of and more. I asked the man to give me "the works" (I have no idea what that means and I don't want to ever know) and it was beyond delicious.

...Are those pickles?

Today, we went and got smoothies from the farmer's market and went on a canal tour in the harbor. Our tour guide was beautiful, and I am pretty sure we took more pictures of him than of the scenery. It wasn't until the tour was almost over that we realized he was 16. Honest mistake, but it really needs to stop happening. We walked around the harbor, ate gelato, and bought fresh fruit from a street vendor. Pictures of the scenery (and the beautiful tri-lingual teenager) to come. Tonight, I made real dinner for myself, which I am extremely proud of. When I say real dinner I mean that I chopped vegetables for a salad, but it's a start. At least it wasn't a Luna Bar. Or a burnt pita. 

XX

Bucket List

1. See the Little Mermaid Statue

2. Zoo Crawl

3. Go out in the Meatpacking District

4. Take a canal tour of the harbor

5. See the Louisiana Museum

6. Make out with a Dane

7. Dance at a European Discotech

8. Eat Shwarma in Christiania

9. Visit Carlsburg Brewery

10. Go to Legoland

11. Drink at the Ice Bar

12. Go to Oster Park

13. Climb to the top of the Round Tower

14. Study in the Royal Library

15. Eat a Waffle

16. Drink Acquavit

17. Take a Booze Cruise to Oslo

18. Shop in Sweden

19. Bike through the city

20. Walk the entire Stroget

21. Drunk eat a hotdog

22. Go to the Danish Museum of Art and Design

23. See Randers Rainforest

24. Have a wine+cheese picnic in Dyrehaven Park

25. Get to the top of Spiral Tower

26. Drink at Studenterhausen

27. Steal Paddle Boats
28. Run all the way around the lakes

Any suggestions?

XX

An Practical Education in Marijuana

Happy first day of classes to everyone at Georgetown! At DIS, there are no classes on Wednesdays so that we can go on "educational study tours." Today, I went on a field trip with my Danish class to Christiania. It was, by far, the strangest and coolest place I have ever visited. It is a community started out as a social experiment in the 70's, and is now basically a compound with no rules where hippies go to get high. There are 900 residents, and they get millions of tourists every year. The biggest draw to the spot is the fact that it is legal to buy and smoke marijuana. There is a street called "Push Street" that is casually dotted with jewelry stands, shwarma vendors and drug dealers. They don't sell any hard drugs (they were banned in the 80's after a 16 year old girl OD'd on heroin) but they sell weed in many different forms. It was beyond strange to see people buying joints and lighting up in the middle of the street. Our tour guide has lived on the land for 23 years, and told us all about the LSD he used to do. He was the man. It was really cool to get a tour because it definitely helped me to understand exactly how the community operates. I want to go back on the next sunny day to shop around a little bit (for jewelry not drugs! god.) and eat Shwarma.

After we left Christiania, we had some time to kill so we went to the mall. So 90's. In case anyone was wondering, the malls in Copenhagen are just as cheesy as the ones in Warwick, Rhode Island. And 4 times as expensive.

Tonight, we had a "cafe night" for Danish class. We took the train (which I will NEVER be able to navigate) to La Brasserie. There were about 40 DIS students, a few Danish people and our BEAUTIFUL teacher Ditte Marie. So Danish. So hot. They gave us heapingggg portions of Lasagna, which I devoured (somebody actually commented on how much of it I ate!) and I came home exhausted, full and happy.

Tomorrow night is open bar at Kulor Bar, so hopefully there will be stories to tell!

XX

Z

Touring and Tequila

Yesterday was the first of many "Touring and Tequila Tuesdays" (copyright pending.) After class, Lindsay, Meg, Charlotte and I packed lunch and headed over to the nearby Bottanical Gardens to meet Taylor and her boyfriend (who is visiting) for a picnic. The weather was beautiful all morning, but by the time we got our lives together and made it out of the house it had taken a turn for the worst. The minute we sat down, it started pouring. Typical Copenhagen.

We opted to stay and stick it out, and passed the time by feeding our soggy sandwiches to the (aggressive!) ducks that were quacking and pecking at our feet. When it finally stopped raining, we walked around the gardens for a little while and went into the greenhouse. It was disgustingly humid inside and I actually felt like I was in a rainforest. We got to climb up to the ceiling so we were basically in the canopy of the trees, which was pretty cool. I tried to take pictures, but the lens kept getting so foggy!!

The weather was pretty clear when we headed back outside, so we decided to walk down to the famous New Harbor. I was really excited to see it because it is the picture that comes up when you type "Copenhagen" into Google Images, and was really the only place I knew in the city before I arrived here. It was just as pretty as I had imagined. I stopped and got Gelato on the way back, which I had been craving for a week. The waffle cone was one of the best I have ever had, and they put fresh whipped cream and jam on top which I have never seen before. It was delicious. We window shopped a little on the way back, and went into a store that has really cool posters of Danish scenery. I hoped to find something to decorate my bare room, but based on the prices it looks like I will be stuck staring at white walls for the rest of the semester.

Last night, we pregamed and went out with some of the Danish guys we live with. They are moving out on Friday, so we are trying to get in as much fun bonding time as possible before they have to go. We had planned to go to LA bar for tequila, but the line was crazyyyy long so we went to Zoo bar instead. I met some (cute!) Italian guys who I hung out with for a little while, but it was a pretty quiet night and I went home early. Hopefully I will get a friend request from the boys today!!

Now I'm off to a study tour at Christiania -- will let you know how it goes!!

XX

What a Weekend.

Friday evening, my communications program had a social in Copenhagen's "ultra chic meatpacking district." Sound familiar, New Yorkers? It was set to begin at 4:30, and my friends Lindsay, Taylor and I thought we would take advantage of the situation and get to know the public transportation. We got off of the first of the two buses we were supposed to take, and were immediately lost. We spent 45 minutes looking for the second bus, which we of course never found. We did get to do a little bit of site seeing, and I got my first look at the famous Tivoli Gardens and Copenhagen's central station. We finally arrived (an hour late) and were in definitely need of the two complimentary drinks we were offered. After 20 minutes of talking with some of the other students in the program while simultaneously throwing back white wine and pretending to know about Danish politics, the bartender announced that he had bought too much alcohol and was giving it away. CHA CHING! The three of us filled our cups and stashed a few beers and a bottle of wine in our bags for the trip home. There is no open container law in Denmark, so you can drink in public on the street! Pretty cool. Instead of braving the bus system again, we decided to try and walk back to our apartment. Of course, we eventually realized we were less than a mile from home. In a straight line.

On Saturday we went to dinner with our new roommate Meg, her boyfriend Chris and some of his friends from his Kollegium. It was definitely a nice opportunity to make some guy friends. We had a hard time finding a place that served both alcohol and cheap food, but we eventually found a place called "Kras Bar" next door to DIS. They had amazing happy hour specials (2 cocktails for $10) and good food (I had pesto pasta-- not quite Danish food but I'm making progress) , so we will definitely be back there soon. We then came back to our apartment and had a huge pregame where we played American drinking games and a Danish drinking game. The Danish game was similar to American "Quarters"-- but demands that you drink much more frequently. As the third most alcoholic country in the world, they go hard here. Once we were all sufficiently inebriated, we went to a Danish club called "Rust." It was a long walk in the pouring rain, but it was definitely worth it. We were seemingly the only American people in the entire bar, and I of course bopped around the place making friends with people from Dubai and Istanbul. I also made friends with the bouncer (of course.) and got free drink tickets, so that will definitely come in handy. Around 3:30, we decided to head home. But not before a quick pitstop at McDonalds. We walked an extra half mile in the rain (with no coats!) to get there and waited in line for a half an hour. I ate TWO big macs (!!!!!) and finally felt full for the first time since my arrival.

Sunday morning, I thought it would be a good idea to wake up early to work off the alcohol and disgusting amounts of food I consumed the night before. I made my way to Palmfitness (the amazinnnnnng gym I joined) for 10am spinning. The class was impossible, and entirely in Danish. I clearly did not think this through very well, as I should have known that in a city where people bike EVERYWHERE the spin classes must be intense. I then met Meg, Katherine and Meg's friend Carina for brunch at the cafe on our corner. It is so cute! The food was delicious and it was really nice to be able to go out for Sunday brunch. It was no Booey's or Butcher Shop-- but it was amazing. Then, we met the boys and we all went to Tivoli, the oldest amusement park in the world. It is beyond beautiful, and we bought season passes so we can go back as often as we want. We went on a swing ride that gave us an amazing view of the city, though my fear of heights made it quite challenging to keep my eyes open. Nevertheless, I am definitely glad I did it. We walked around through the gardens and took a million touristy pictures:

This bitch has the best job ever.