Princess Meets Princess

It's my chance to shine--SWEET 16

Anyone who knows me knows that I am OBSESSED with Disney Princesses. Every birthday party, from the age of 2 to 20, has been Princess themed. Seriously -- for my 18th my mom decorated a bar on Thayer Street with cutouts of Cinderella and Belle. My former boyfriend was horribly embarrassed, but I was super into it. After all, I'll take any excuse to wear a crown.

I always really loved the Little Mermaid, but because of my "ethnically ambiguous" look I was always stuck dressing up as Jasmine. Looking back, she was kind of a badass -- she got to wear a belly shirt and walk around with a tiger. Not too shabby. Once, my friend Emily had a Jasmine-themed 4th birthday party. My mom's dressmaker made my costume and it was way better than everyone else's. I felt like a total rockstar all day, until the pony they hired kicked me in the face. I digress.

Apparently, most of the stories we all grew up on, including The Little Mermaid, are based on Hans Christian Andersen's fairy tales-- and we all know how the Danes feel about that guy. When I found out there was a statue of the Little Mermaid here in Copenhagen (it was one of the three things I knew about the city before I got here) I was DYING to go. A chance to see the real Ariel?!?! Sign me up.

So today, Lindsay and I ventured to Osterport to see the Little Mermaid statue. It was actually really cool, and we got a pair of nice Asian tourists to take our picture. When I got home, I thought it would be a good idea to read the Hans Christian version of the story. Big mistake. Apparently, Disney got extremely creative in their interpretation of the story.

Disney's Version:

1. Beautiful Ginger Mermaid Princess falls in love with a human prince. 
2. Beautiful Ginger Mermaid Princess gives her voice to the evil Ursula in exchange for a pair of legs
3. Beautiful Ginger Mermaid Princess uses new legs to attempt to seduce human prince (now you get why I love her)
4. Evil Ursula steals her man
5. Human prince spears Evil Ursula and she dies. Strangely reminiscent of the time I tried to eat Octopus at Nobu. 
6. Beautiful Ginger Mermaid Princess and Human Prince are married by a priest with a boner and live happily ever after

Hans Christian Andersen's Version:

1. Mermaid falls in love with a prince and gives Urusla her voice in exchange for a pair of legs (like in the movie)
2. Instead of giving her a set of sexy new legs, Ursula splits Mermaids's tail in half and she bleeds. Everywhere. (not like in the movie)
3. Mermaid goes to land to find the Prince. When she does, he laughs at her bloody tail and commands her to dance for him. 
4. Mermaid finds out that the prince is set to marry another woman, and if he does Mermaid will die.
5. The prince marries the other woman.
6. Mermaid is told she can can only survive if she kills the Prince. 
7. Instead of killing the d-bag in his sleep, Mermaid decides to believe in true love, hoping it will save her (#notbetchy)
8. Mermaid's plan fails
9. Mermaid dissolves into sea foam and has to do 300 years of good deeds

...Not exactly the happy ending I had in mind. Turns out, HCA was a pretty sick dude. He had an abusive alcoholic for a mother, and his childhood traumas are made pretty evident in his work. Ever notice how Disney characters never have two parents? Cinderella, Bambi, Dumbo... the list goes on. Thanks a lot, Hans. If only Nemo's mom had survived, maybe the poor kid wouldn't have gotten lost*

Dad? Daaaaad?

*side note -- Hans Christian Andersen did not write Finding Nemo. If you thought,

 even for a second, that he did... you're an idiot.